see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
