I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
