I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
