Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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