The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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