I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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