they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
