Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i've created a new STD.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize