i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
