How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
