I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
