Moan for me like Helen Keller
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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