How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
