Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Watching her eat just hurts me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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