Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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