Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
