I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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