I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize