I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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