hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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