Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Sammyisadog hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(417): View more from Missouri

You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

(573): View more from Missouri

You can't be serious.

Fav 58 3659 1014
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.

Fav 1 1908 723
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

im holly from the hills drunk

Fav 18 4082 1192
share tweet
(605): View more from South Dakota

I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.

Fav 7 3071 1542
share tweet
(514): View more from Quebec

bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.

Fav 7 1709 2561
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh

Fav 6 1889 751
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.

Fav 2 1189 467
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(406): View more from Montana

I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.

Fav 4 56 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(817): View more from Texas

The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.

Fav 0 62 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT