I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
