What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize