Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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