i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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