New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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