Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
