when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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