i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
