I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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