he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
