I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
