Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
