dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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