When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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