Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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