They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
did you just send me my own nude
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
