so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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