So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
