I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So many bounce houses so little time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize