OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
