More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Too much gin, very little bucket
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
