My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
