so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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