So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize