I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
