Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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