New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
