Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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