Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Found your dick twin last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
