Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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