did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
