smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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