Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
