almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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