it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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