Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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