He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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