She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
