and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
