Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
where are you?
Hypothermia
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
