Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize