I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
