Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
