May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
