we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
