I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
