I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize