I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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