Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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