it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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