Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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