i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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