I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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