That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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