can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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