Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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