we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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