we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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