dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
