i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
